Ten Things To Do In the Offseason

When the alcohol-fueled haze of the Stanley Cup celebrations finally wound down (FiCP Editor’s Note: Wait… you aren’t still celebrating? Go get a beer and find a fountain, cuz we are!!) I found myself wondering what to do with all the time I usually spend watching my beloved Capitals play hockey. Sure, there are development camp updates that I can follow, but it’s just not the same. So I came up with a list of ten things to do instead of watch hockey. You’re welcome.

1: Track trade and signing deals for your favorite team

Wondering when the heck the Caps are gonna seal the deal and sign Tommy Wilson already?? How about the drama with Karlsson that went down this summer http://www.sportingnews.com/ca/nhl/news/ottawa-senators-lawsuit-monika-caryk-mike-hoffman-erik-melinda-karlsson-court-order-cyber-bullying/1ukpf6sleaybm162h1wo4zxcav? These are all things you can obsess over online in your ice-cold air-conditioned office, instead of the on-ice drama in a freezing cold arena. See? They’re like, totes the same.

2: Re-watch the Glory Games

Raise your hand if you haven’t gone back and watched Game 5 while drinking a few brewskis this summer.

Now, the rest of you, look around and see all the liars.

If you’re really a fan, you’ve done this, and it’s glorious. You can fast-forward the commercials since the game is on DVR (and seriously, if we had to sit through that “Real smoooooth” commercial again we were gonna hurl the TV out the window anyways). And since we all know what’s going to happen, the stress is gone. I can now watch the game without ferociously twirling my hair while pacing a track into the living room rug!

3: Get some sun

The whole reason hockey isn’t on TV is because it’s summertime. Ice isn’t real compatible with the temps we’ve been experiencing this summer… with the exception of cooling a fruity cocktail by the pool, amirite??

It’s the offseason! Go to the beach! Get some color on that pasty complexion. Or head to a pool so you don’t have to deal with the sand that always finds its way into your swimsuit lining. (How does it do that??)

4: Exercise

Hockey season is rough on our bodies: the stress, the cold, the liver damage we incur in the post-season… That Ovi jersey was starting to look a little snug, and since you don’t have the excuse of wearing pads underneath, it’s time to go outside and work some of that off. If you live in a place that’s hotter than Hades on a heatwave (:::cough cough Florida sucks:::) join a gym. Or take our suggestion of going for a swim. Either way, get your tuchus off the couch so that you can safely imbibe and laze around when the season starts up again.

5: Catch up on Must-See TV

I don’t know about you, but when the season starts, our family pretty much stops watching all the shows people talk about. Sure, the kids demand that I watch PJ Masks at all hours, but after dinner when the good stuff is getting aired, we are watching our boys play hockey. There are a few exceptions (Game of Thrones needs to be viewed unspoiled, after all), but for the most part we fall behind on our pop culture education. So use this summer to narrow down your Netflix cue. I, for one, have totally caught up on my Supernatural habit, and the husband got to watch Parks and Rec for the first time.

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(Editor’s Note: FiCP needs to apologize. The writer was unable to think of any more ways to kill time in the summer. Hockey is her life. Hockey is her love. Hockey is the air that she breathes and the thing that she dreams about at night. Except for that one time she became best friends with Amy Poehler during a drunken stolen coasters caper… that dream was awesome.)

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